Chick-fil-A offers free chickenshit with every purchase

Chick-fil-A offers free bigotry with purchase

Some have opposed the company’s support of the traditional family. “Well, guilty as charged,” said Cathy when asked about the company’s position.

“We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.

I used to get irritated by phrases such as “the biblical definition of the family unit” because, well… Polygamy, Rape victims forced to marry their rapists, Conflict between divorce laws in the Old Testament and New, and even conflicts within the New Testament itself (no divorce allowed, *MAN* may divorce wife if she is unfaithful, No divorce allowed, No divorce among believers, but things get complicated when unbelievers are involved.

But the real problem here is that the word “family” is not trademarked by evangelical hate mongers, and I’m goddamned tired of being told that I am not in a family and never will be. Just because you are a hateful ass hole with an overblown sense of your own self importance due to your relationship with your imaginary friend doesn’t give you the right to ostracize families you don’t like. No matter how many chicken sandwiches you sell, you have no fucking business promoting a culture that would result in a little boy being told he doesn’t have a “family” because he is raised by two moms (or one mom, or two dads, or one dad).

And let’s not kid ourselves: that is all this goddamned “pro family” business is about–ostracisation. There isn’t a single loving male-female marriage in the country that has been changed in any way by marriage equality. There isn’t single person who has decided to abandon their opposite-sex romantic inclinations and jump on the gay train because, damn it, gay marriage looks SOGODDAMNEDGOOD. There are, however, numerous instances of the predominant heteronormative culture being gently challenged by a children’s book which dares to present the idea that some princes love princesses, but some love princes. The response to this message is that sex education isn’t proper for youngsters. Well, fuckwads, if this is sex education, then Snow White and Cinderella are heterosexual pornography. The phrase, “the prince kissed the princess” does not become magically transmuted into obscenity by changing the gender of the participants.

Except they have to convince people that every time you hear anything about same-sex love you think of graphic sodomy. Does this strike you as fair? How about this… next time I see an elderly couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at a restaurant I walk over and scream, “HEY, YOU WRINKLY OLD FUCKBAGS. NO ONE WANTS TO THINK ABOUT YOU SUCKING YOUR HUSBAND’S LIMP DICK OR FONDLING YOUR WIFE’S SAGGY BUUBS!!”

Oh, wait, you mean that’s not what you think about when you see a heterosexual couple celebrating their love? You think about the life they had together, the devotion, the stedfast support through good times and bad, and the care they showed their “family?”

“But Charles, that old couple could have children.” Let me stop you there, dear fuckwad, and suggest that instead of yelling at the couple, I bust over into their celebration and…

“HEY, ARE ANY OF YOU ADOPTED, BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT REAL MEMBERS OF THIS FAMILY!!” (Maybe I’d be able to make a little brown girl cry. Nothing is as sweet as the sound of ESL sobs as white parents try to comfort the child.) Hopefully, at this point the old man would stand up and smack me across my fat fucking face for daring to question the validity of his family.

Yeah. EXACTLY. That’s why I’m so pissed off about all of this. Because I’m a human being just like that old man. (Except I exist outside of a hypothetical, so technically I’m a bit more human.) These sentiments are considered beyond the pale when directed at anyone except the people who feel same gender romantic love, and their families.


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